Many have wondered about what’s really going on behind the scenes at the White House and the types of conversations that the public is not exposed to.
Since we likely won’t be gaining access to those conversations anytime soon, here is a theoretical conversation between Donald Trump and Steve Bannon for your entertainment.
Trump: Bannon! What the hell are you doing to me? People are tweeting nasty things about me again. Pokemon478 said I have bad hygiene. I have great hygiene. World class hygiene. Everyone knows that. I think he must be mad about something else. Like the immigration ban you convinced me to do.
Bannon: Short term pain, long term gain boss. Same way we outsmarted them in the campaign. Let them tire themselves out over stuff like the size of the inauguration crowd-
Trump: Higher ratings than the Super Bowl
Trump: And the Olympics. The Summer Olympics. That’s the good one. Better than the Winter Olympics. (Looks up at the ceiling) Except Sochi, of course.
Bannon: Of course. So the Dems tire themselves out over the immigration ban and all the other stuff we put out there. They’ll march and protest. Tweet. Write long blog posts with lots of SAT words. Get Lena Dunham to say mean things about us. And by the time we’re ready to move the stuff that actually matters, they’ll be too wiped out to do anything about it. You know, rope a dope. Like Ali.
Trump: Don King and I promoted an Ali fight once. At my hotel in Atlantic City. 8-star hotel. Spectacular event. Ali won eleven titles that night.
Bannon: Eleven. Wow. So anyway, we get the Dems all riled up – wait till you see what I have planned on religious freedom. Then we make them deal with Gorsuch.
Trump: Brilliant choice. Taught him everything he knows. He went to Trump University.
Bannon: Um… yeah. So we send the Senate a totally normal, non-controversial nominee. Nothing to really object to. But the Dems are so worked up at this point, they go crazy anyway and try a filibuster. It makes them look whiny and weak and unreasonable. But they can’t help themselves. And we know Schumer can’t handle the pressure from the left.
Trump: Fake tears!
Bannon: Right. And McConnell has to make sure Gorsuch gets confirmed because what does it say about him if he can’t even get a totally plain vanilla nominee through? And at that point, the Dems are totally exhausted.
Trump: And that’s when we hit ’em with a big Bollywood showstopper. Elephants. Camels. I see a lot of yellow. And a really deep red. Exactly what I told you at the last Security Council meeting.
Bannon: If by Bollywood, you mean ACA reform and tax cuts and a border tax, sure. They’ll have punched themselves out. Nothing left to fight with.
Trump: Like Ali. I promoted one of his fights once. He won 14 titles that night.
Bannon: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. They’ll never know what hit ’em.
Trump: We’re so lucky I came up with this plan.
Bannon (smiles to himself): Yes, yes we are.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.