Well, if you’re going to have a museum you might as well have a fine-dining restaurant.
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Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
We live in orange times.
I even have to listen to radio ads every day from pest company Planet Orange.
It enjoys the tagline: “Orange you glad you called?”
Which is very silly, as how would I know, given that I haven’t called yet?
Look, I’m avoiding the issue here.
The apogee of orange junk food is opening a fine-dining restaurant.
Yes, Cheetos is launching the Spotted Cheetah.
You’re there already, aren’t you? You read the headline. You’ve already guessed that this is a restaurant devoted to recipes featuring the orange caterpillar-shaped snack.
The PepsiCo-owned brand promises that this will be “the ultimate Cheetos dining experience.”
Which presumably means it’ll be better than a beer, a bong and 12 bags of the orange delicacy.
Cheetos has roped in Mario Batali to create the dishes because he has orange hair.
Actually, that’s not true. Instead, it’s celebrity chef Anne Burrell, who has platinum blonde hair.
“I had so much fun curating this specially crafted, one-of-a-kind menu for the first Cheetos restaurant — I can’t wait to see guests’ reactions!” she said in a press release.
I can’t wait to see guests’ reactions either!
I sincerely hope that the New York Times’ restaurant reviewer Pete Wells is among them.
I feel sure he would give the Spotted Cheetah a slightly better review than he gave Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen and Bar. (Sample: “What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy’s Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy’s, in any meaningful sense?).”
You’ll be wondering how much this gourmet experience might cost. And, indeed, what dishes might have been concocted.
Well, there are delicacies such as Cheetos Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup, Cheetos Sweetos Sweet and Salty Cookies and Cheetos Mix-ups Crusted Chicken Milanese.
Is that enough branding for you?
For the privilege of enjoying a three-course menu, the prices will range from $8 to $22.
Should you not be a Cheetos aficionado, I will tell you that the Spotted Cheetah will only be open for two days — from August 15 to 17 — on Broadway. Naturally.
I cannot confirm that Twiglets is opening a fancy restaurant called Le Petit Twig. Nor that Ritz Crackers are going upscale with Le Grand Ritz.
And, though I’ve tried, I still can’t get Doritos to confess that it will be opening a chi-chi SoHo establishment called Les Orteils de Dori.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.