Just imagine the garlic wafting about the cabin. Home, sweet home.
CREDIT: Getty Images
Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
It’s been a long haul for United Airlines.
Look up the word “United” on a synonyms website and you’ll find “myopic,” “abusive,” “uncaring,” “insulting” and other slightly negative words.
It all started with dragging a bloodied passenger down an aisle, just because he refused to be bumped.
It continued with stories of United employees assaulting passengers and even planes almost taking off with fuel pouring out of a wing.
So now United is taking steps to earn your love again. (You did love it once, right?)
The first step involves something that you know you’ve wanted, but perhaps haven’t been able to fully articulate.
Pizza.
What could be more homey, more caring and sharing, more, well, uniting than that?
As the Chicago Tribune reports, United will start to serve pizzas from July. Naturally, this will be Chicago-style, deep-dish pizza, rather than, say, the far more edible Italian kind.
Amid your joy, you’ll be wondering whether you’ll be able to build your own pizza, order your own fresh ingredients, perhaps.
Not quite.
This will be Uno Pizzeria and Grill’s spinach-and-garlic pizza that enjoys cheddar, feta, mozzarella and Romano cheeses.
“Oh, joy. Nothing would improve a flight more than the smell of garlic,” I hear you snort.
Pish, you have to start somewhere with these good feelings. And this fine pizza comes at the bargain price of $9.99. You can even pair it with a Miller Lite for an extra $4.
There is a possibility of more toppings being added in the future, but United will first examine whether the smell of garlic causes passengers to be additionally unruly.
I’m sorry, I mean examine how customers react to the taste of the pizzas.
Even though the pizzas are the so-called “personal size” — translation for international readers: huge — perhaps this will bring in a new era of sharing, as curious passengers lean over and wonder what the pizza tastes like and their fellow humans offer them a slice.
Perhaps flying on United will suddenly become a communal experience where we’re all in it together, come what may.
And perhaps, one day soon, United will make all the seats bigger, offer six feet of legroom and serve champagne, even to Basic Economy passengers.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.