It’s nothing more than corporate bullying. That’s my observation and experience anyway.
But where did the term and practice come from?
A Tale of Brutal Honesty
In my mind I’ve imagined that once upon a time, some bristly CEO started causing a nightmare for the HR team.
You see, this CEO was smart, and everyone knew it. But you didn’t dare think or act different than the CEO, because if you did, you felt it.
“Let me be brutally honest,” the CEO would begin. What would then follow was ruthless criticism, sparing no feelings. Brutal truth, the CEO thought, was the intelligent way of motivation.
Now, the HR team was also smart. They knew they could not change the CEO’s behavior. So to head off employee complaints, they branded the CEO as being “brutally honest”.
They tried to make the CEO’s brutal honesty seem cool. They tried to make their brutally honest culture seem desirable. They tried to make it seem like all the cool CEOs and companies were doing it.
But they were just creating a legal loophole to cover the abrasive nature of their CEO and leadership team. After all, brutal honesty always flows down the food chain, never up.
Constructive vs. Destructive Honesty
Clearly, this is not how brutal honesty started. But if you’ve ever lived or worked in a brutally honest environment, you know that life often imitates art. I’m probably not far off.
Feedback and honesty should be constructive, not destructive. Brutal honesty is not constructive, it’s destructive. And if that’s the case, what’s the point?
What then, is the best way to provide feedback?
Change Feedback Based on the Person
The best way to provide feedback and honesty, is to base it on the individual, and where they’re at.
It’s easy. There are only two stages you need to worry about, according to research conducted by Stacey Finkelstein (@DrStaceyF) and Ayelet Fishbach (Tell Me What I Did Wrong: Experts Seek and Respond to Negative Feedback).
1. When People Are Learning, Provide Positive Feedback
As individuals start anything new, there is lots to learn. Often it is frustrating. Often they want to give up.
It is at this point that feedback keeps a person going. It lets them know that while they may be doing many things wrong, they are doing many things right.
They are seeking feedback for the motivation to keep going.
2. When People are Expert, Provide Improvement Feedback
As individuals get better and more expert, their motivation for feedback changes.
No longer are they seeking feedback to keep going. They are seeking feedback to get better. It is only here where you start two work on the things that need improvement.
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I’m really not sure how we got way off kilter with “brutal honesty”. It has no place in our business or personal lives.
Your role as a mentor, a friend, a leader is to make people better – not worse. Adjust your approach based on the individual, and impact someone’s life forever.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.