For example, let’s say someone finished off your favorite snack without alerting you. You’d want to avoid saying, “Rich, you horrible monster, you know I wanted to eat that peanut butter!” And instead, say it this way: “Rich, I felt hurt and betrayed when I saw that there was no more peanut butter left.”
How does this relate back to work — after all, this person hadn’t stolen my peanut butter. Well, if a meeting’s actually a bad use of your time, it’s perfectly OK to say that. But when you do, don’t assign blame. In fact, if I could have a do-over on that meeting, I might’ve said something like this:
“I’m flattered that you want to [pick my brain/work together/meet weekly], but I think we should re-group and think about what we both want to accomplish during this time before we proceed.”
You can put your own spin on this statement, of course. But when you do, try to avoid pointing fingers or saying anything that starts with the phrase “You did this.” Note that by using “We” I put us both in the same boat. (Also note that I didn’t say, “I’m too busy for this” because that immediately puts the other person on the defensive, forcing them to respond with, “I’m also very important and busy and how dare you imply otherwise!”)
By avoiding accusations, you’ll be able to make your point without making enemies. It’s really that simple.