Absurdly Driven looks at the world of business with a skeptical eye and a firmly rooted tongue in cheek.
Sometimes, I bump into Twitter conversations between American Airlines and its customers that are veritable lovefests.
Oh, thank you, @AmericanAir your service is truly one that the Holy Spirit himself would choose!!!!!
A pleasure @AmazinglyPrivilegedFirstClassPassengerSoWeSuckUpToYou we live for this!!!!
I’ve yet to be entirely uplifted by American Airlines’ flights.
Somehow, it all seems generic. Which means chilly, worn, uncomfortable, entirely characterless and very occasionally a bit stinky.
The airline, though, claims it has a sneaky plan that will put you in much better odor.
Stealthily, it’s been updating its planes at some speed.
As the Street reports, American CEO Doug Parker insists that the $20 billion the airline has spent on planes over the last 4 years is “the most aggressive fleet modernization in the history of the industry.”
By the end of this year, the average American Airlines plane will be only 9.8 years old.
Perhaps only doesn’t feel good to you in this context. But what if I told you that the average age of a Delta Air Lines plane is 16.6 years?
Even before this supposedly new American, its planes were still younger than Delta’s, at an average of 14.
You might think, then, that American is going to become more attractive to flyers because its planes will enjoy a tinge of novelty.
And this might be true. Perhaps the seats will feel firmer than an extremist’s opinion and more supportive than the one lover of whom you keep saying that you never know what you had till the lover had enough of you and your complacent ways.
We all succumb to the shiny. We’re all pleasantly surprised when we get on a brand-new plane.
Except, in my case when the plane’s seat is, in fact, a piece of temporary foam and the armrest falls off.
And they call it a Dreamliner.
American would like passengers to think it cares, even though it’s started charging for carry-ons.
There is, though, one other aspect to all this. Newer planes tend to be more fuel-efficient. That’s because airplane designers now cater more than ever to airlines’ desperate money-making urges.
Additional comfort for the passenger may be small, non-existent or even negative.
But at least the plane should smell a little better and have fewer stains.
For that alone, we should tug at our forelocks, doff our caps and be grateful to American Airlines.
Or, in Twitter-speak: “Oh, @AmericanAir You’re Just So INCREDIBLY AWESOME!!! I’m so glad I got away from those terrible people in coach!!!!”
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.